why I avoid the important

I've noticed an odd pattern in my behavior. 

It's something that's occurred as I've gotten older.

And it puzzles me every time.

Here's what I do - anytime I have a wonderful, exciting, always-dreamed-of opportunity staring me in the face that needs my input, response or application, I find myself putting it off.  Insteading of sitting down and doing the work of making a little dream come true, I will do anything but by tending to mindless distractions when I should be paying attention to the (wonderful, exciting, always-dreamed-of) opportunity at hand.

This happened the other day when I was working on something online that was just up my alley, but I could hardly sit still or focus on the laptop screen.  At one point in the process, I needed to open another browser window.  Now, most normal people would just sit there and wait during the 4 seconds it takes for that to happen.

My thought process?  "I'm gonna go clean the fridge grill until that page loads." 

That, my friends, is procrastination and avoidance at its best, demonstrated right here in my very own home.

I want to emphasize that this is not drudgery or grunt work, people.  It's applying to sign up for the fun stuff that God and life gives us once in a while.

And I seem to struggle with that.

I wish I could say that it was because my excitement about it won't let me sit still, but that's not the case.  In reality it's due to my anxiety over the fact that if I really go for whatever "it" is,

I might not make it. 

I could fail in a grandiose way. 

I don't know how I'll deal with that if it happens.

And I must remember that that's where I'm making my error.  I only fear failure because I'm putting my hope and trust and value in a thing, a job, an opportunity.....and not a Person.

My worth isn't measured by what I do.

It's measured by Whose I am.

I need to remind myself of this the next time something fun-yet-scary comes along.  Take it, go for it, do it, because I might succeed and if I don't.....well, it's okay to fail.

Either way, I'm secure in Him.

And that gives me the freedom to look those opportunities square in the eye and say -Game ON.